It has been four months since Scott's death, and they have been horrible. A few weeks after he was taken to the morgue his funeral was held. It was awful to see everyone there, sad and distraught, especially Allison. She's six months pregnant now, she was barely two months pregnant when he died and just even thinking about those babies growing up without their father makes me sick to my stomach.
I still can't believe he is gone. It seemed just like yesterday that he was bitten by Peter, that we were kicking supernatural ass together. Sighing heavily, I lay back on my bed.
I have been spending most of my time in this bed when I am not at work. I usually just sleep or stare at the walls. The logical part of my brain knows what this is, depression, but the grief idled part of my brain just wants to ignore it and wallow.
That part always wins.
Time barely has any meaning anymore. When I am at work I just blandly go through the day and at night I have such horrible nightmares about Scott. He is usually standing in front of me, surrounded by darkness, shouting at me. He blames me for his death, calls me a failure, calls me weak, things I know he would never say to me in real life.
I know they are just dreams but they still take their tole on me. It is my fault Scott is dead, if I had been a real doctor, not just some medical student, I would have been able to do more for him, get the things I needed to take care of him. If I had been fast enough with researching....
I dropped out of college shortly after he died. I just didn't have it in me anymore. The passion, the want, it all died the day Scott did. If I couldn't save his life how was I suppose save other people?
The guilt is eating me alive. I have been avoiding everyone, the pack, Allison, Melissa, my dad. The list goes on. I just can't face them. I have rarely been eating, everything is tasteless. I don't bother socializing or doing the things I used to do for fun.
I can't even stand human contact anymore. If someone tries to touch me I start to freak out. I can handle friends and family, but people who are virtually strangers, it's a big no. If they try to touch me, whether it's a handshake or a hug, even a brief shoulder bump can cause me to throw a fit. There was this one time I was practically forced to go to my boss' birthday party. Everyone there was pretty drunk and they were all touchy with each other. Just watching it all was making me panic so I quietly left through the back door and went home.
Sometimes I will have a random burst of energy or a nightmare that won't get to me as badly. Those moments make me feel like I am getting better, like I can try to live again. I know Scott wouldn't want me to be like this and I honestly don't want to either.
But once I start feeling like I used to, before Scott died, the depression slams down on me again and reminds me of why I am this way.
It's a never ending cycle.
I rub my hands on my face tiredly. I really want a friend with me right now, the depression is weighing heavily on me today and I just can't deal with it alone. I usually can fight it off most days but for some reason, I need someone to help me.
Maybe I am finally getting better, that is always the first step right? Admitting you need help...
I look over at my phone, tempted to call someone, anyone. Though I doubt they would answer. I haven't been a real good friend these last few months.
I wouldn't blame any of them if they wanted nothing to do with me. I know Scott's death affected them just as much and acting the way I have is not fair to them. Fuck it. I grab the phone and call the one person I know who will answer.
"Hello?" I almost lose it the second I hear his voice.
"C-could you come over? Please?" I ask hesitantly. A few seconds go by before he responds.
"Yeah... I can come over... When?" I sigh in relief.
"Half an hour will be fine.......... Thanks Derek."
As soon as he hangs up I rush into the bathroom to take a shower. I haven't bathed in a few days and I know I smell awful. My hair is unkempt and my clothes are wrinkled, I look like a homeless man to be honest.
There is also the fact that I have lost weight, not too much, but enough to cause some worry.
Once I am out of the shower I find some clean clothes, which I am surprised. I haven't cleaned the house in at least two weeks and my room is the worst part of it all. There are dirty clothes everywhere, the room smells like body odor, the bed isn't made, it's like a tornado swept through it.
So, once I am all fresh and clean I pick up all the dirty clothes and put them away, I make the bed as quickly as possible and spray the entire house with febreze hoping it will mask the scent.
Just as soon as I sit down to take a breather, the door bell rings. I sigh heavily as I enter the living room. I open the door hesitantly to see Derek standing in front of me. I haven't seen, or contacted, him in months and looking at him now hurts because I know I abandoned him.
I abandoned everyone.
"Come in..." I murmur, opening the door farther. He walks inside and looks around for a bit. I stand there nervously as he goes to sit on the couch. I sit down right beside him. A few minutes of silence goes by as we just sit there in each others presence. I look over at him and see sadness in his eyes. That is when I break down.
"D-Derek!" I sob uncontrollably. He wraps his arms around me and lets me cry. "I miss him so much." I whisper, burying my face into his neck.
He pulls away from me slightly to look me in the eyes. "Stiles. We are all worried about you. Did you know the second I hung up the phone the entire pack was in my face begging to know if you were alright? They miss you."
I look away in shame. "I am so sorry. I was just so wrapped up in my own grief that I shut everyone out." I look at him again. "I honestly didn't mean to avoid you, any of you."
Derek sighs, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly as I let it all out. I tell him about it all, everything that I have been feeling these last four months. The depression, the nightmares, the weight loss. The anger, the sadness and the pain. I tell him how all this time I believed Scott's death was my fault. I just keep on talking till my voice is sore and my eyes are dry of tears.
Slumping against him, I feel lighter, like so much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
"Scott's death was not your fault Stiles. Please believe me when I say that." Derek whispers. Pain etched on his face. I feel like crying again.
"I know, it has just been so hard. If feels like everything is out to get me, to make me believe it."
I look up at Derek's face, his eyes are dark with emotion. "You shouldn't believe it. No else does, not even Allison."
I take sharp intake of breath. "A-Allison doesn't blame me?" I ask timidly.
Derek rolls his eyes affectionately. "No! She doesn't blame you at all Stiles. In fact, she even wants to name one the twins after you, that is if either of them are boys."
My eyes widen. Oh God no. "Y-you can't be serious! She wants to give one of her kids MY name?"
"Don't worry, she won't use your real name. She doesn't want the poor boy made fun for the rest his life." He snarks.
I gasp mockingly. "How dare you! The name isn't that bad!"
"Yes it is Stiles. Your own dad can't even pronounce the damned thing." I snort amusingly, not even realizing it. Once Derek's eyes widen, I freeze.
I laughed... I haven't laughed in months! Derek places his hand on my cheek, making me look him in the eyes. "I've missed your laugh." He whispers. I gasp, my heart is racing a million miles a minute. He inhales a deep breath. "I've missed you, Stiles. We all do."
I close my eyes.
God why does this have to happen now?! I thought it was just a crush.... Fuck, I have always thought Derek was attractive but what with losing Scott I just felt like I didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it. Love is not something someone like me should have. Yet, those feelings I buried in my heart all those months ago are resurfacing.
What the fuck do I do?
Hesitantly, I lay my forehead against his. He sighs, closing his eyes as if he is savoring this moment.
"I really am sorry Stiles, I know how much he meant to you. You should have told someone instead of suffering with all of this....." He whispers, his minty breath fanning my face.
"D-Derek..." I whisper as he leans in, wanting him to kiss me so much.
"I wish I had told somebody too. More specifically, I wish I had told you. Thinking of you, which I admit happened a lot but I also thought of everyone else as well...." Fuck, I am babbling. Get a hold of yourself Stiles! Derek just smiles lightly, seeming amused. "It's just... You mean so much to me. Everyone does. I didn't want to let you guys down again."
His lips brush over mine hesitantly, my heart races in my chest.
"You didn't let anyone down Stiles. Do you want me to group dial everyone just to confirm it? Because I will." He whispers, his breath washes over my face.
"N-no...." I whimper, suddenly forgetting what we were talking about. Well, okay, I didn't really forget, I just want to postpone the rest of the talk. I have a real huge need to kiss Derek senseless right now.
Oh fuck this!
I slam my lips into his. Derek responds instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me back just a furiously.
I moan rather loudly when his hands travel down to my ass. Shocks of pleasure course through my veins making my skin hot and my blood boil. Where ever his hands touch my skin tingles pleasantly.
As he forces his tongue in my mouth, the kiss becomes even more heated. I rub my hands through his hair feverishly as he pulls me toward my room. I moan when he slams me against the wall and starts sucking my neck.
"Oh god.." I whisper breathlessly as he finds my sweet spot. My back arches off the wall causing our cocks to rub against each other, and even with our jeans in the way I can't help but moan frantically. Derek starts grinding on me. Fuck, is it possible to get even harder? I shift my hips hoping to find some relief from the tight and itchy material. "Derek!" I whine.
He pulls back and looks me in the eye. "Stiles... There's something I must tell you before we even think of continuing with this.."
"Okay..." I say hesitantly.
"Well, there's no easier way of telling you this, so i'm just gonna come out with it......" He takes a deep breath. "You're my mate.." He whispers.
"R-really?" I ask. He nods.
"Yeah.. I should have told you a long time ago but I was just so stubborn and set on believing that I didn't deserve you. That I didn't deserve to be happy. I was a lot like you in some ways, but Stiles..... I got past it. I went without you in my life for months and it was awful. I shut people out, that is what I am good at but dammit you can't make the same mistakes I have. You have people who love you and will support you when things get tough and I am one of them. No one blames you for Scott's death!" He blurbs all this out in one breath.
My eyes widen because I haven't ever heard Derek say so much to someone, especially me. I usually get one worded sentences or growls, well, I did before anyways.
Sadness envelopes my heart at the thought of Scott.
No! He is right. I need to quit putting myself down. I can't let the depression win, it's not like me. I used to never give up so easily, I need to be that Stiles again. I know things won't ever be okay, not without Scott, but I can try I to be better.
I can't just let myself waste away.
"You are right Derek. God.." A tear slides down my cheek. "I have been so foolish..." I whisper.
"You weren't foolish, love." My heart skips at the nickname. "You were mourning."
I then slam my lips into his again, kissing him with even more passion than before. At first he doesn't respond, surprised most likely. I place my hand on his cock and start rubbing him, hoping to get a response and thankfully I do get one.
He moans loudly and finally starts to kiss me back. I pull him along with me, towards my bedroom. Once we are there we sit down on the bed as we hurriedly take each others clothes off. We do it frantically, as if we are afraid the other is just going to disappear into thin air. Once we are both naked he lays on top of me and starts grinding our cocks together.
I dig my nails into his back as the pleasure increases, my entire body burning with need for him.
"D-do you have any lube?"
I nod. "Yeah...... I... It's the bathroom..." I say hesitantly, he gets off of me and walks into the bathroom. Before I can even say his name he comes back out with the bottle of lube. I grab his hand and pull him back on the bed with me.
I start kiss him heatedly while rubbing lube onto his hardened cock. I start kissing down his chest, making him moan even louder as I start sucking on his nipples. He arches off the bed, our cocks rub against each other and we moan in unison. I accidentally bite down on his nipple and he shouts, not in pain, but pleasure.
Pre-cum leaks out of his cock. I smirk, leaning down and licking it off. Derek growls, pulling me up roughly and turning us to where he's on top. "Are you for sure Stiles?" He asks in a gruff tone.
I kiss his knuckles.
"I am sure. I love you Derek.... I want to be your mate..." He smiles, kissing my neck as he lines himself at my entrance.
"I love you too...." He whispers just as he thrusts into me to the hilt. I bite my lip to keep from screaming. Holy fuck! Jesus Christ it hurts! Tears fall down my cheeks from the intense pain. God, I don't know if I can take it.
Derek rubs my back soothingly. "You want me to stop?" I turn my neck around slightly. Derek's eyes are closed and his whole body is tense. I know he doesn't want to stop, it's probably hard for him to not move right now...
"No..." I whisper hoarsely. "Move!" At that he pulls out then thrusts back in. I scream as a wave of pain rushes up my spine. Oh god that hurt! Derek kisses the back of my neck in reassurance as he continues thrusting in and out of me. I fist my hands into the sheets and bite down on my lip so hard it bleeds.
After a few minutes, the waves of pain flaring my body swiftly changes to pleasure and the screams turn to moans as Derek pounds into me. He licks, bites and kisses my neck and the pleasure reverberates to my cock. "I'm so close Derek... So close.." He then yanks my lower body up enough to snake his hand around to my cock. He starts pumping it roughly, I bow my head back and let out a cry as the pleasure builds.
My cock swells in his hand, the heat coming from him drives me insane.
"Oh god!" I shout, cumming several ropes on to his hand and on to the bed. Derek starts pounding harder and faster into me, endless moans erupt from my lips. He then locks his jaw onto my neck and bites down, marking me as his as his cum fills me. I whimper as the knot forms inside me.
Derek holds me down to keep me still. "Make it stop Derek!"
"It will shortly Stiles... Shhh..." He was right, after a few minutes the knot goes down and he pulls himself out of me. I groan with disappointment, making him chuckle.
I yawn, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his chest.
"I love you Der..."
"I love you too Stiles."
I lay my head on his shoulder as he holds me in his arms. "I really am sorry. About everything. I promise, I will do whatever it takes to fight this. I want to be there for you all again."
"And you will Stiles." He kisses my forehead. "We will be there for you too. Just like we should have been all this time."
With that I finally let sleep over take me. I am not an idiot. I know things won't automatically get better over night. It might not ever get better again, but as long as I remember I am not alone in this I will be fine.
I have my dad, my pack, and most importantly, Derek.
IF YOU WANT TO READ ANY MORE OF MY STUFF GO TO MY WATTPAD PAGE. www.wattpad.com/user/JennaCULL…
It'd been eight years since Derek became the alpha. Surprisingly, everything turned out better for everyone with him in charge. The pack became closer, stronger, and everyone is mostly happy. We have all come to terms with what had happened.
Jackson took the bite well, he even stopped bullying me and Scott.
He claimed that becoming a werewolf helped him over come his issues, I don't know how it helped and I don't know what issues he was dealing with before but frankly I don't care. As long as he is becoming a better person, some one he himself can be proud of.
He and Lydia didn't work out sadly, they broke up just after Junior year started. Yeah, you would think I'd be happy for that but when Jackson suddenly showed up at my door step bummed the fuck out over their breakup, I couldn't help but feel bad for him.
Honestly, the feelings I had for Lydia had faded away by that point. I still think she is the most gorgeous woman on the planet, the smartest too, but I just don't see her as anything more than a friend. I can't exactly pinpoint when the feelings stopped, I just realized one day when she walked past me I didn't get butterflies in my stomach like I used too.
I didn't feel like my world revolved around her anymore.
Of course if this had happened maybe a few months earlier I would have certainly jumped at the chance. Sadly, my morals got in the way. I helped them, grieved with them over their lost love, but only as a friend, which is what I should have always been doing.
Even if Jackson was an asshole before.
They did end up getting over it quickly enough. Shortly after Lydia was bitten she was mainly focused on finding out what Peter exactly was and had to be brought in on the supernatural because it. She mainly went after me, Allison and Scott. It wasn't that much a nuisance, we mainly just skirted around the answers as much as possible but Derek felt that if she knew she would let it go. He obviously didn't know Lydia because the second he told her about any of this she needed proof. So, he transformed into his Alpha phase and well.....she screamed.
It wasn't any ordinary scream either, it made several of the humans ears bleed - mine specifically for some unknown reason - and the werewolves literally cowered from the sheer volume and the stench of death radiating her. It didn't take long for all of us to put it together that she is a Banshee. In fact, it happened a few months before Aiden and Ethan showed up asking for our pack to help their's deal with a wendigo problem.
It was practically love at first sight for Lydia and Aidan because it didn't take long for them to become mates. It was tense at first once everyone found out, but he didn't seem that bad to me. A little more angry than his twin brother Ethan, but he was an alright dude none the less. She lives with their pack now, which is a couple of towns over. She still comes to visit often enough. Well, she brings Aiden with her when she visits and we can't complain because as long as she can bring him she will visit. She comes over to help with anything pack related and or to just hang out.
Ethan on the other hand, doesn't have anyone. He bats for the other team and his parents don't really approve. Which is utter and complete bullshit, but it's not like I can do anything. He seems fine with it considering he and Aiden had a bad relationship with them before they even knew of his sexuality. Their opinions don't really matter in his eyes. He tries to keep them off his back by dating a female pack member of theirs. And by dating I mean using her a beard. Her name is Kira and she is such a sweet girl. A little rambly, but I cant really say anything without being a hypocrite. Plus, she is a kitsune, so if I do or say anything to piss her off I might be coughing up lightening bolts for months.
She comes over with Lydia and Aiden constantly. Ethan comes too, but mainly to keep up pretenses that he is in fact dating her. I don't understand their relationship sometimes, one trip they seem to be really good friends who are just helping each other out - her parents don't pester her about socializing more and his don't give him grief over being into dudes - but then the next trip over they act like they don't exist to the other. It's almost like they aren't really acting, but I prefer to keep the idea of Ethan being a little more fluid in his sexuality to myself lest I get my balls cut off.
Kira does seem to have a pretty big crush on Parrish, one of the deputies at the station. So maybe Ethan is just trying to be like a big brother to her. I honestly don't know though. Ethan shouldn't be giving her such a hard time about it because Parrish is pretty cool. He may have busted me a few times but he's not really an asshole.
I am just thankful he and dad both stopped going after me now they know I am involved in the supernatural. Parrish apparently knew - about the supernatural at least, I don't know how he didn't realize I was involved but I digress - because he himself is a Hell Hound and kept my dad out of the loop because he thought it was safer for him. But now he knows so he's involved as much as the rest of us, Parrish is too.
Jackson also mated, though who he mated with was an extreme surprise. His very own best friend turned out to be the one person he's going to love for the rest of his life; Danny Mahealani. As I said before, shocker. Well, everyone except Lydia. It scares me sometimes that she knows these things before anyone else. Jackson told her all about it, but she somehow knew before he even said a word to her. He was going to tell me after he told her but she got to me before he could. It was unwillingly, in my defense, because I did not want to hear about my friends having sex.
Well, at least not every single detail.
Then after that Allison and Scott ended got married. Though no one was surprised by that, at least by the time it happened anyway. Sure, after Sophomore year none of us thought they were going to last but they gladly proved us wrong.
It was in the middle of senior year actually, when he proposed to her. They waited till after graduation before tying the knot though.
In truth, as much as Allison loves everyone, she is still a bit hesitant about werewolf things, mainly because of what happened with Kate. To a point, I understand where she is coming from because she loved Kate and saw her as a sister. I know better than anyone what it is like to lose someone you love and yet just because Peter killed her aunt doesn't mean Allison should be angry at the pack over it. Especially with Kate being a homicidal maniac. I think some where deep down she knows this as well because every so often when we are all together I sometimes catch her glancing at Derek with guilt ridden eyes.
When Isaac received the bite it was by accident. He was wondering the road one night after he had a really bad fight with his dad, he left to help them both cool off for a bit. He was just walking down the road when suddenly he was attacked by a random wolf, I heard he was in the hospital the next day and went to check it out and the second I saw the bite I knew he was going to go furry and have fangs once every month. Derek had to hunt down the wolf that bit him, it turns out the Alpha, or whatever was left of him, lost his entire pack to a situation that was scarily similar to what Derek went through. Except, he lost everyone and was just wandering from town to town in a daze. He didn't mean to bite Isaac, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let go of his "new pack." Isaac didn't want to be a part of his pack though, he already was starting to bond with us. Derek had to kill the Alpha to keep him from going after the poor boy.
Isaac didn't take to the bite very well at first and as much as he bonded to the rest of us, he was still wary about becoming pack. He didn't like it that he was going to become a monster, but over the years he came to understand that he wasn't alone in this. It took awhile but eventually he came to Derek and asked to become pack. He even found himself a girlfriend, a werecoyote named Malia. She moved into town with her folks a few years ago and they instantly hit it off. They aren't mated but they seem to be pretty serious. I have even heard Isaac mentioning marriage whenever he and Scott think they are alone. They may be werewolves but they aren't really that good at it.
Erica took the bite when Derek offered it to her. We were out of high school by this point in time and we (me, Scott, Allison, Isaac, Jackson, Lydia and Derek) were sitting in the diner waiting for our food when this girl started to have a seizure at the register. Everyone was in a panic and Allison went up to see if she could do anything. The girl turned out to be Erica and suddenly Derek had that look in his eyes, the one which usually leads to a new werewolf. He asked us first, but we all knew he was going to do it anyways so we begrudgingly agreed. So he drove to the hospital after the ambulance picked her up.
She said obviously said yes. It got rid of her seizures, why wouldn't she take it?
And since she and Boyd were good friends (I knew he was secretly in love with her) he took the bite when Derek offered it to him. I do not know the reason for that one, I guess Derek thought it would help Erica feel better about opening up to the rest of us.
It worked, in a weird sort of way because she... she became sex on legs. She thrived in her new found abilities, she gained confidence, she also gained bitchiness which showed when I wouldn't convince Boyd to go out with her. I understood because she was still new at this whole werewolf thing and couldn't control her anger that well but tell that to my car. She took her anger out on it because she knew I would get upset. Really though, she didn't need my help anyways because he found the courage to ask her a few days after the incident.
She has stopped with the bad bitch routine over the years, acts more like she was from before the bite. Her and Boyd have been an item since then. They aren't married, nor are they mated, but they are definitely head over heels for each other. They even have a kid, named her Laura after Derek's sister. She will be five in the spring come to think of it. I need to pick out a birthday gift, don't want to show up empty handed like last year.
Derek is still his ever present grouchy self. He has mellowed over the years, having a pack will do that, but he can still be an ass when he wants to be. He doesn't shut everyone out like he did before but sometimes he has his little moments.
Mostly these days they just happen to involve me.
When everyone else was busy with their relationships we were the only two who really had nothing to do. I like to think we bonded during those times, doing nothing, it sounds stupid I know but I have made some of my most closest friends from 'doing nothing' together.
Sighing heavily I slam the book I was once reading shut. I lost focus on it awhile ago and was just frankly staring at the pages now.
I go to put the book up and finally get around to cleaning my apartment. Once dad and Melissa got serious, like to the point of moving in together serious, I thought it would be best to have my own place. I have been living here for quite a few years now, it gets lonely sometimes, even when everyone comes over to visit, but I have sadly gotten used to it.
Half way in the process of screaming bloody murder and grabbing the closest weapon near me, I realize it is Derek. He is standing at what used to be my front door, he ripped the damn thing of it's hinges.
Now I am going to have to replace it. Damn it, I really liked that door.
"Derek." I say tiredly. "What the fuck." He glares at me, warning me to keep my mouth shut. This sort of attitude isn't new, it has been happening the entire time I have known Derek. We may have becoming closer but as I said before, he can still be an ass. I usually would respond sarcastically but I refrain myself. I am getting a feeling from him that something awful happened. "Shit... What's wrong?" I ask, my heart starts to race in panic.
He just grabs my hand and pulls me towards his car. "It's Scott." He answers. I just stare at him dumbly once I am in the car.
"What about Scott?! Now is not the time to be vague with me sour wolf! Is he hurt?!" I ask, the panic starting to set in now.
"I don't know what is wrong with him exactly. I just know that he is very sick." He stares at me with this intense gaze. I look away from him as he drives towards Scott's and
Allison's house, trying to block the weird feelings resonating in my chest.
As soon as he parks the car he yanks me out of the passenger seat and drags me to Scott.
He is laying on the bed, Allison is sitting right beside him and is holding onto his hand for dear life. He is drenched with sweat, his skin is sickeningly pale and he's convulsing so hard it's like he's having a seizure. There is also some sort of black fluid (I guarantee it's blood) dribbling from his lips.
My eyes widen at the sight of him.
I have never seen any symptoms like this, for any regular disease anyway. I have come across plenty of diseases while training to become a doctor, but nothing as severe as this. It's even worse that it is Scott because of him being a werewolf. They never get sick.
I walk over to him and place my hand on his forehead. Fuck, his temperature is skyrocketing. It is to the point where it could be fatal.
"I've never seen anything like this." I whisper weakly, I then turn toward Derek standing right behind me with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face.
"What do you mean?" He asks bristly.
"I mean I have never seen this kind of disease before! He's shivering quite badly and yet his temperature is through the roof..'' I shake my head. "Derek you will need an actual doctor. Someone like Deaton." Someone with better experience, I think bitterly to myself.
"Deaton is out of town Stiles. He won't be back for a couple of weeks." Derek's voice is strained and he growls frustratingly.
"He could be dead in a couple of weeks!" I exclaim as I grab Scott's other hand.
"Don't!" I snap, automatically feeling guilty for it. "Just let me be alone for a few minutes." I say weakly, letting go of Scott's hand. I then head towards the guest bedroom and lock the door to keep them out.
Derek, who hardly ever listens, comes knocking a few minutes later. "Come out of there."
I ignore him. "Can't even help my best friend!" I mumble to myself. "I am good for nothing..." I sob uncontrollably into my hands.
After a few minutes Derek sighs and just walks off, leaving me to wallow in self pity.
"FUCK!" I yell outrageously, throwing everything I can get my hands on. I am so pissed that I could destroy the entire house right now!
As I begin picking up the arm chair I feel a hand rest on my shoulder. I whip around to snarl only to see that it's Derek. I immediately relax.
"Why him? He doesn't deserve this..." My shoulders hunch over in grief.
"I know, but Jackson... Stiles isn't the one who is sick..." His voice is stern. I sigh, gritting my teeth. I care for Scott, I do. No matter how many times I flat out deny it, I care about everyone in our pack. It's just that Stiles has been there for me through a lot of things over the last few years.
The break up with Lydia, dealing with my insecurities, he has been there for me through it all. I may not say so but Stiles is a close friend and I hate seeing him hurt like this. "He's in the guest bedroom sobbing his eyes out, Derek. I care for Scott, you know I do but-"
"But nothing." He sighs deeply. "I know you're closer to Stiles but Scott is the one who is in trouble here. Remember that."
I swiftly ignore him, wanting to continue destroying the room in anger.
"Will it make you happy if I go talk to him?"
I snort. "What makes you think he'll let you in now?"
"I'll think of something, just go check on Scott. Now." He orders before walking angrily down the hall.
Rolling my eyes and I head towards Scott's room.
I knock on the bathroom door for the second time.
"L-leave me alone!"
I grit my teeth trying not to get angry. "Dammit Stiles, open the door! Scott isn't going to get any better when you are in here feeling sorry for yourself!"
"I don't fucking care! Just leave me the fuck alone!" He sobs, I clench my fists.
"I'll break the door down!"
A few minutes of silence goes by before he responds.
"You... You would not do that..." I snort.
"I done it in your house, what would keep my from doing it here? I can just replace it for them. Let me in or I will!"
A few minutes later I hear feet shuffling across the floor and the lock on the door clicking. Slowly, I open the door. I peer my head inside to see Stiles in a corner, curled into the fetal position. Sighing heavily, I walk over and sit beside him.
"Stiles, you need to fucking get yourself together!" He glares while wiping the tears from his face.
"But S-Scott is sick a-and I can't do anything to h-help him!" He rests his chin on his knees, rocking back and forth.
"How do you think the rest of the pack feels? Stiles, we need to focus on getting him better. We can't do that with you in here crying your eyes out."
He looks up at me. "I-I'm sorry...It's just... He's my best friend and knowing I can't help him, it makes me feel.." He bites his lip and looks away. "Useless.." He whispers.
I exhale heavily, trying to control the urge to comfort him. My wolf doesn't make it any easier either.
MATE! CLAIM HIM! HE NEEDS US!
I bite my lip, trying my best to ignore my instincts. I've been able to ignore it for this long and I will keep on resisting. Stiles doesn't deserve to have me a his mate. I am damaged and broken. Nothing but a hollow shell of what I used to be. Sure, having the pack has helped me, made me realize that I am indeed not alone but all those years of self loathing can't be reversed.
I can't change who I am anymore than Jackson can. He might be a lot more caring towards people now, more trusting, but I can tell he still has his doubts. His insecurities.
Those types of monsters never really die.
"You are not useless Stiles. None of us know how to help him but we are damn set on trying and we need your help. You really don't want to sit in here doing nothing, do you?"
"No..." He murmurs.
"Well then, come back to the room with me. Once everyone is together we can work on figuring out what is wrong and how to fix it."
He takes a few minutes to process everything that I said before finally nodding in agreement. "Alright.."
I grab his hand and pull him towards Scott.
"How are we gonna help him get better if we don't even know what wrong?" I ask timidly. Derek sighs tiredly, rubbing his face with his hands. My mouth waters at the rippling of his arm muscles. Man what I wouldn't give to have those strong arms holding me-
Snap out of it Stiles! Remember Scott is in trouble, he is your priority! I shake my head furiously, getting rid of the dirty thoughts.
"You ready to go back out there?" Derek asks.
I nod hesitantly though I am not really sure. I might just burst into tears. "Y-yes.." He gives me a small smile as we walk into the room. Seeing Scott on the bed sends me into a panic again and I want nothing more than to run away.
But I can't because Scott needs me.
I walk over to the bed and lay my hand on his arm. "Scott, you're going to be okay..." Please let him be okay, if I lose him-
He groans in pain and starts thrashing wildly. I try to calm him down but he just whimpers. "It hurts Stiles... It hurts!" He whispers hoarsely, Allison, who is sitting on the other side of the bed, starts crying.
"We will figure this out Scott." He groans and his body goes limp. I look over to her. "He is okay, the pain was just too much." I try to sound as convincing as possible but she sees through it. Her eyes show it, the realization that Scott might actually die.
"You want something to eat?" I ask. She nods hesitantly. I turn around to Derek behind me, silently asking him to get some food.
Jackson sighs deeply, I didn't even realize he was in the room till then. "Hang in there Scott..." He walks to the other side of the bed and checks Scott's temperature. "Damn, is it possible for him to get any warmer?"
"What?!" I ask in disbelief, I place my hand on his forehead, I gasp quietly.
"What happened? I was just gone for a few minutes!" I look over at Derek who is carrying two plates holding bologna and cheese sandwiches.
"He's getting worse Derek... He's getting worse!" Without even thinking I run over and tackle him into a hug, knocking the plates out of his hands in the process.
"What the fuck Stiles!" He yells in surprise before hesitantly hugging me back. I bury my face in his neck while the tears continue to fall.
"I don't know what to do Derek... " I whisper.
Derek rubs my back in a soothing motion. "Scott will get better Stiles, he has to." He whispers, his grip tightens and even with Scott being in the state he is, I can't help but enjoy it.
* * * Two Days Later * * *
I cry onto Derek's shoulder as the paramedics take Scott's body to the morgue.
Allison is standing by the ambulance truck full on sobbing her eyes out. I can't blame her, she just lost her husband and the father of their children. Yeah, children. She's is having twins. Only found out about, the pregnancy in general, few days ago, before Scott got sick...
She is pregnant and Scott never knew. She planned on telling him on his birthday, which was going to be this Saturday. She couldn't tell him with how sick he was. I mean, he was unconscious for the majority of it and even when he wasn't he was having what seemed like seizures all the time.
We were so close to finding out what was wrong. If only we were faster...
I cry harder on Derek's shoulder, the babies will grow up with out a father, with out Scott. Dammit! I should have been able to help Scott but no! I couldn't find out anything. So much for being the researcher...
Now Scott's dead because I wasn't fast enough.
"Scott and I weren't very good friends but I did care for him. I am sorry." Jackson says, then grabs Allison into a hug. The others are huddled together on the front step. Erica is, very badly trying not to cry. Boyd has this sour look on his face, which his version of sorrow. Isaac and Danny have masks of indifference on their faces, but you can see the haunting in their eyes. Lydia is silently crying in Aiden's arms. The poor guy doesn't even belong to our pack yet you can see the sadness is hitting him too.
'T-thanks Jackson... That means a lot."
One of the paramedics comes out of the truck and walks over to Allison. ''Ma'am, we need you to fill out some papers." He asks, you can literally feel the discomfort rolling off of him.
"Just let me have a few minutes please..." The man nods before heading back over to the ambulance truck. Allison looks at us. "I just want you all to know that I am grateful. Regardless of what happened... I know you did your best for Scott..." Tears fill her eyes. "This may be the last time I see you all, at least for awhile... I just... I need to be alone. I hope you understand..."
My heart aches. "We understand." I whisper sadly.
"Yeah..." Jackson mumbles. Allison smiles, it's a sad worn out smile, but a smile none the less. She then leaves with the paramedics.
Once she's gone I bury my head back into Derek's chest.
Jackson just stands there awkwardly for a few minutes before speaking. "I probably should go too..." Danny hisses his objection but takes one look at me. I don't know what he sees cause after a few seconds he walks toward the car. Jackson looks at us, then at the rest of the pack, then back to us briefly before he heads toward to the car himself.
The rest of the pack stay for another couple of minutes, mostly just hugging me and each other before they all say their goodbyes, leaving Derek and I by ourselves in front of what used to be Scott's and Allison's house.
Derek rubs my back soothingly. "I'm sorry Stiles... I'm so sorry..." Derek whispers. I lean back from the embrace, knowing there is confusion in my eyes.
"Why are you sorry? I'm not the one who's dead!" I exclaim.
Derek sighs, pulling me back into the hug. "I know... but you're hurting, I don't like it."
I push him away. "Why?! You should be more worried over Allison! For god sake he was her husband!"
"You were his best friend. I know how awful this will sound but... You need comforting more than she does. You have known Scott since the two of you were in diapers, he was like a brother to you. This is hurting you more than her." I look at him incredulously.
"So what? You think I'm weak? Fuck you Derek!" I shout in rage, the tears gushing down my cheeks.
"I don't think you're weak! You are the strongest person I know!" He shouts back. "But fuck Stiles, he was like family to you! Allison has her father to rely on. You need that too!"
I stand there flabbergasted at his outburst.
"I'm sorry Derek..." I whisper, burying my face into my hands.
Just then the phone rings. "Hello?"
"Son I just heard what happened. Are you okay? Do you need me to come over?" Dad asks frantically. I sigh. I want him to be here for me but honestly dad doesn't do tears very well. I don't want him to see me as a blubbering mess.
"No! I am fine." I lie weakly. Derek raises an eyebrow. I just glare at him, hoping he knows to keep quiet.
"I know you Stiles... You are not fine." He sighs on the other end. It sounds worn, he saw Scott as a son, I know this is hard for him too. "I will be over at your house as soon as work is over. Melissa will be coming as well." And before I can object he ends the call.
I stare at the phone dejectedly before for a few seconds. Derek coughs awkwardly and I look over at Derek. He is just standing there, looking at the floor like a child who got put in the corner, it's kind of cute actually- NO!
The little voice in the back of my screams as loudly as it can. SCOTT'S DEAD! SCOTT'S DEAD! And suddenly reality crashes down upon me again. Derek suddenly speaks. "I better go. I need... I need to see if everyone else is okay."
"See you later then?" I ask hesitantly, not really meaning it.
"Sure." He murmurs, he then walks toward his car.
Once he is gone I let go of my control and start sobbing heavily. I drop to the ground and brings my knees up to my chest into a ball and cry for hours.